I recently wrote an instagram post about self care and how it was not my forte. Today as I sit and FINALLY catch up on updating my website after tackling part of my massive to-do list yesterday, I feel like I also must make another admission….. Blogging is not my forte either……. and I have reached the point where I don’t really care.
I want to get better at self care, I want to take time to do the things that nourish my soul. Honestly writing is one of those things. I actually enjoy sitting down and crafting something interesting to look back upon. I enjoy sharing my thoughts, discoveries, and the many life lessons I am constantly learning with my friends, family and students.
This past year has been one of great change, shift and evolution. I have discovered so much, and come to accept a lot of things I had been resisting. I have spent more time in my car than care to admit and I am currently in state of flux. My family and I are in the midst of a transition, as we relocate from our home in Whitecourt to Edmonton. My husband Tom, has already started his new job, and I find myself trying to balance life as now the primary parent while he is away, and take care of and sell the home, travel to teach with Empowered Yoga, plan for upcoming workshops and trainings, promote those things, and at some point attempt some self care. YIKES.
Today I had some realizations as I sat and worked away.
- Traveling is Hard- I recently read a Kathryn Budig article about being a traveling yoga teacher, and while Kathryn Budig I am not (flying & teaching all over the world), I can relate to a few of the points. Mostly because I have been living out of a suitcase since early April with my children and husband. “Traveling the world will make you appreciate the simple things: a daily routine, your comfortable bed, even your dogs waking you up before you’re ready. We already have everything we need.” -KB
- Routine is Necessary- I thrive when I am organized. When I have a routine, and feel grounded. I used to be able to hold it together and fly by the seat of my pants, but now I feel like that has shifted. I also feel like my kids are very obviously the same. Just as I am in flux, so is the routine.
- Expectations- Part of my struggle I think is due to the way I think I “should” be reacting and moving through this time. Those damn expectations, they creep up on you every time. So much of my discomfort finds its roots in EXPECTATION.
- Learn to Soften the Edges- Life lessons relearned, this is it, this is WHY I continue to practice. its ridiculous to have the same expectations of myself in any capacity at this time. I need to learn to let go again, to be fluid, to CREATE SPACE to allow life to unfold. This doesn’t mean I become a flake, irresponsible, or paralyzed in my life.
- Be Honest- This is the nitty gritty. Be honest about where I am, what I am capable of with myself and others. Even sometimes RIGHT NOW when I want to say yes, it will have to be no. Ask the questions, is this in alignment with my truth, intentions,and what is REAL and important or should I put it on the F*ck It List
- CHECK YO SELF- give yourself a reality check, because really, how privileged am I to even have to worry and be “stressed” about these things. These are people that are struggling with horrible realities that I can’t even imagine, like how to eat, where to sleep, and I am over here whining about my busy life, and feeling unsettled. Be fucking grateful for this life, DON’T FORGET THIS PART ESPECIALLY.
So to get back to the original direction of this post, blogging is not my forte. I haven’t blogged since last august and thats cool. I think part of that reason was again due to expectations and fear about what my blog had to be. That I wasn’t good enough of a writer, or had anything interesting, or beneficial to say that hasn’t already been said. So here is the plan. To share what I feel when I feel it, without worrying what the world will think of me (imposter syndrome). To share information that will elevate or inform like this blog on mental detoxification by Michele Theoret (create your own fuck it list). Finally to spread the word about WORTHY causes like www.yess.org and share ways to support like attending the Yoga for YESS fundraiser Empowered Yoga. Finally to expect nothings far as what this blog will look like from here on out (I don’t really know if this is an excellent marketing and/or strategy? If you are looking for “curated content” you came to the wrong place haha!)
Until next time (which could be next week or next year). This is my Commitment to Fluidity. This is my commitment to letting go of expectations. This is my commitment to sit in my discomfort, sticky and uncomfortable phase (sit in your shit- MT) This is my commitment to enjoy the bumps in the road, and the view.
This is my Commitment to Non-Commitment.